Awanthi Vardaraj

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It was never you.

Facebook’s ‘On this day’ feature is very helpful. On this day a year ago my ex and I became Facebook official. I guess I forgot until I tripped over it today by accident; it was just sitting there, a smug […]

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I don’t believe you.

I don't believe you: awanthi.com

I open my eyes in the cold, dark, still water, and my arms fly out from my sides as the weights in my chest expand and balloon; I tread water as I look around, frantic, turning this way and that, […]

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Darling Wellington,

Mama misses you so much.   I’ve wanted to write this letter to you ever since you died so suddenly and unexpectedly on the fourteenth of August, but it’s been incredibly impossible to come to terms with your abrupt ending. […]

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Grief is a many-feathered thing.

There’s nothing straightforward about grief. There’s no set rule for you to follow. Past experiences are useless, because each loss is different. Pain is unique, and it is a million times worse when you don’t understand why you have to experience […]

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Lost in the Woods

  There are moments you never see coming. Not because they don’t exist in the realm of possibility but because they couldn’t possibly happen to you; they couldn’t possibly happen in your world. Like, you could be skipping along the […]

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(In Loving Memory of Colin)

Conscious and Unconscious in Varying Degrees of Time (In loving memory of Colin) They called me when I was sitting staring out the window (and wondering about proliferation) Could have knocked me down with a feather (or anything handy). ‘But […]

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The Daddy Doll

The Daddy Doll - awanthi.com

When I was five years old, I was given my very first dolls house. It came with a set of dolls house dolls who lived in it, and it was as tall as I was, had pink and white furniture, […]

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