Awanthi Vardaraj

In Her Own Words

Lost in the Woods

  There are moments you never see coming. Not because they don’t exist in the realm of possibility but because they couldn’t possibly happen to you; they couldn’t possibly happen in your world. Like, you could be skipping along the […]

Read More

Today I Am Not

Read More

Melancholia

Melancholia by Awanthi Vardaraj

  It is easy, when one is stupendously happy, to forget about the rest of the world, but from time to time the world has a tendency to intrude upon one’s happiness; a gentle but persistent reminder that there is […]

Read More

Wonderful You

Wonderful You by Awanthi Vardaraj

People are noticing; they are talking about how I am becoming, evolving, growing, into myself; finding things I lost; remembering the person I used to be before I was gone, before I slipped into the abyss. Before I broke. When I would […]

Read More

Not Just Pretty

When I was a little girl, I wanted to be told I was pretty. I think it came from a place of not being quite sure; it came from a place of wanting to be told that I was more than I […]

Read More

I see you.

Crawling on flesh worn-to-the-bone, bloodied, falling, I see you. Can’t look at yourself in the mirror because you’re sure that the wrongness of the wrong was all you. I see you. Arguing with god in the secret room in your […]

Read More

Oversimplifying

It’s finally happened. The Indian government appears to be doing a China and have blocked a number of websites that contain ISIS content; this is hot on the heels of all the reports of some young men running off to Syria to join […]

Read More

The Fluid Nature of Friendship

I was wiser in my twenties than I give myself credit for. In an old blog, in another time, I remember writing, at the tender age of twenty-two, that some friendships had use-by dates. Sadly, I didn’t remember my own […]

Read More

The Terror In Your Bones

I can sense the terror in your bones. You had it all figured out. You made all the right decisions. You came out swinging, with every turn, because that’s who you were. You did all the right things. There isn’t […]

Read More

Puppy Love

Three little puppies. Actually, I first noticed them because one of them wasn’t moving, although the other two were playing around her, frolicking about, and being generally joyful. I was in a small shop on the other side of the […]

Read More