Step 1

Wash your hands, put on an apron and set out all your ingredients and equipment. Preheat the oven. Peek into the living room and see that there’s a jacked-up three-year-old racing around at top speed, buzzing like a bee. Retreat into the kitchen quickly before he sees you.

Step 2

Sift 2 cups of self-rising flour into your mixing bowl. Look up to find that you are being observed.

Offer to let the child “help” you make the cake. After he enthusiastically takes you up on the offer, wash his hands and tie the ends of a tea towel around his waist, an impromptu child’s apron.

Step 3

Measure the butter into another mixing bowl. Glance up to find the kitchen suddenly empty again. Cream the butter and sugar together while keeping an ear open for suspicious sounds or sudden movements. Set aside.

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