Crawling on flesh worn-to-the-bone, bloodied, falling,

I see you.

Can’t look at yourself in the mirror because you’re sure

that the wrongness of the wrong was all you.

I see you.

Arguing with god in the secret room in your mind while you

wear an atheist’s robes, I see you.

Believing the people who tell you that you can’t love who you love,

I see you.

Falling through the hole in the floor convinced you’re going to dissolve into the earth’s core,

I see you.

Startling yourself as you speak out loud, because yours is the first human voice you’ve heard in days,

I see you.

Sobbing over the grave of your cat, he was all you had, and this pain has cracked your soul,

I see you.

Looking away from the powerful gaze of the stranger in the cafe because you’re sure it’s not you he’s looking at,

I see you.

Looking back 20 years ago wishing you’d been the you then that you are now,

oh yes, I see you.

Telling yourself to be brave, oh my darling be brave,

I see you.

Resting your chin on your knees, fistful of pills in your left hand, dully wondering if this is your life and this is all it will be,

I see you.

Watching you watch the little-girl-sparkle in your eyes in all those old photos of which there aren’t nearly enough,

I see you.

Believing them when they say that you can’t really be that way,

I see you.

Believing them when they say that you’re not enough,

I see you.

Believing them when they say that you can’t do what you want to,

I see you.

Holding on to yourself because your bones are the only tangible thing left in this world,

I see you.

I am you.

© A. Vardaraj — All Rights Reserved