I logged in this evening to find a Happy Anniversary post from WordPress. I Speak Awanthi is two years old.
I suppose I should have thrown my blog a party, as so many people seem to do, but the real honest truth of it is that I didn’t remember.
Two years old. It’s funny; in the past, in older blogs, I’ve never really been able to go back to my posts without cringing a little. Was I really that naive? Did I really say that? Was I really that sensitive? Did that seriously make me angry enough to write a blog post about it? And did I really need to write an I-Love-You-So-Much-I’m-Going-To-Cry post to Whatsisname?
See what I mean? Cringe. Double cringe.
But I’m apparently getting older and wiser, because I can go back two years ago to the very first post in this blog and I can read the things I wrote and they are still as relevant to me today as the day that I sat down and wrote them. This is a good thing. I’m never going to stop learning, but perhaps I’ve stopped cringing.
There is so much going on in my life right now. There is so much change, and as with most change, it is causing me a great deal of stress. There are a lot of places I don’t want to be at the moment, and one of those places is my life. I am tired, overworked, ill, and barely coping. I am barely holding on, and it is freaking me out. I don’t deal with uncertainty as well as I used to. I miss the woman that I was; the woman who not only dealt with uncertainty, but who decimated it. The woman who picked up her life and moved on – and on – and on – and on. I want her back. I want to stop being her shadow.
One day at a time. One blog post at a time. One change at a time. One hurdle at a time. One anniversary at a time.
Happy Anniversary, blog.