Lymphoma? I don’t know. Nobody does yet.

I’ve had some weird symptoms going on with me for a few months; swollen lymph nodes that leak (I know; it sounds gross) from time to time, constant exhaustion and lack of energy, and an elevated body temperature.

So, I had a battery of tests done yesterday, and I’ve been poked and prodded to within an inch of my life. I’ll know on Wednesday.

If it’s not you, Cancer, I will be grateful. But if it is you, then it means that you have finally found me. The lump in my right breast turned out to be benign a few years ago, but I had to watch helplessly as you took away two people I loved very very much. I have been so afraid of you my entire life; you have terrorised my dreams and my waking moments. You scare me more than anything else ever could.

But it’s okay to be afraid of monsters; I’ll just be glad to know, one way or the other, what the matter is with me. Then I can take it in my stride and move on.