Oh, I detest the summer.

One walks around in as little as decently possible while trying to move as little as possible. As the days have been getting hotter and hotter my dreams of escaping this horrible tropical hell and moving to a cooler climate where it won’t hurt to cuddle my cats (yes, really; I haven’t been able to cuddle them properly in weeks) have been getting more and more outrageous. I won’t bore you (or terrify you, really) with the details, but believe me – this searing scorching heat is enough to drive anyone batshit crazy.

How do I hate thee, summer? Let me count the ways.

You deny me the joys of touching and hugging

for the body heat is too discomfiting;

You have robbed me of any appetite

I may have had left

and instead I subsist

on things icy and on sticks;

You make my skin so hot I can hardly bear it

and cold baths simply do not cut it;

My air conditioning is not limitless,

and I have to make do on a budget.

My dreams are tortured for in them I find

myself running panting for a mile

or two in your unpleasant heat

and I wake up in terror clutching my sheets.

Oh summer, I detest thee!

I truly abhor and hate thee!

Abomination most cruel!

Get thee gone from my life

and come not back (or I’ll write more poetry).